[And then there's this asshole, who managed to take up a quarter of a page with his ad. someone please make him get a job to keep him occupied]

Please help me find my pookie, the love of my life! She is a tall, fiery goddess of a woman possessing a noble and regal air, yet has a passionate zeal for life and love that cannot be compared. Has a tendency to hang around bridges.

She is over two meters tall, has green eyes, carries around a flaming sword, has red skin, and looks like a flaming roundworm from your nightmares. Last seen a lifetime ago, after our stunning climax got interrupted and she was lashed out against and forcibly removed from possessing my body.

please find her i miss my tunnel of love worm : (

[And below the text, there is an incredibly awe-inspiring depiction of said tunnel of love worm.]