COBA CLASSIFIEDS

[cobanpcs]

Who: Everyone
Where: Wherever you read the news.
When: Day 10. Must be Tuesday, Tuesdays are always kinda weird.

What:

So, you're browsing through the newspaper, either online or a physical copy. And you reach the Personal Ads section.

There are regular ads "lost dog", "free couch", "human male seeks alien lifeforms for science and friendship."

And then there is a blank space with the instructions "WRITE YOUR OWN."

SO. COBA CITIZENS. Write a classified ad, or reply to other people's classified ads.

Comments

DETECTIVE SERVICES OFFERED

[shiroganeheir]

Private Detective for hire. Willing to go anywhere, solve anything. Pay negotiable.

Reply to Shirogane Investigations, Inaba Shopping District.

No unreasonable offers refused.

[very_elaborate]

[After a while, a reply is scrawled under it:]

Okay, I know that's gotta be a reference to something, but other than 'a detective novel' I have no idea.

[shiroganeheir]

[It isn't long before the shop door opens and Naoto walks in.]

Kanji? Are you here?

text;

[fridgeninja]

I still can't decide between being your dashing assistant or a short-order cook.

Some text medium that doesn't require me using capslock.

[shiroganeheir]

Either would work, Souji. You are an excellent cook, and you would also be an excellent assistant.

I would very much like to solve more things with you, but I will not pressure you.

BIG MAN FOR PHYSICAL LABOR

[fistallday]

[ The language Dori's note is originally written in is, via the powers of the City of Coba, translated into a basic language that everyone can understand. ]

I'M AS BIG AS SOME BUILDINGS HERE

IF YOU NEED SOMETHING PUNCHED, LIFTED OR BEAT UP INQUIRE ABOUT DOERANKA

MISSING GIRLFRIEND!

[breakrecord]

[And then there's this asshole, who managed to take up a quarter of a page with his ad. someone please make him get a job to keep him occupied]

Please help me find my pookie, the love of my life! She is a tall, fiery goddess of a woman possessing a noble and regal air, yet has a passionate zeal for life and love that cannot be compared. Has a tendency to hang around bridges.

She is over two meters tall, has green eyes, carries around a flaming sword, has red skin, and looks like a flaming roundworm from your nightmares. Last seen a lifetime ago, after our stunning climax got interrupted and she was lashed out against and forcibly removed from possessing my body.

please find her i miss my tunnel of love worm : (

[And below the text, there is an incredibly awe-inspiring depiction of said tunnel of love worm.]

[teamjosh]

[....He might normally ignore this but....sometimes you just gotta know.

IN EMAIL FORM:]

Your girlfriend is...unique.

[Yep that's the email.]

[breakrecord]

She's very unique! She's the only flaming pookie face love muffing danger cupcake tunnel of love worm in my heart. There's no one else in the entire universe who could replace her.

So if you've seen her, please let me know. I cry so much every night because she's not there.

[ibideficitorbis]

[And then there's this other asshole.]

What demon is this? I might be able to find her.

1/2

[breakrecord]

You'll find my pookie for me? I'm... I'm so touched I could cry! You, uh, don't actually have to find her for me, though. I'm afraid of something breaking if she's found. Like me.

[breakrecord]

...How would you go about finding her, anyway?

[loversdilemma]

[A voice call response, because she doesn't have nearly the emoji for this]

I don't mean to butt into your business, but if the last time you saw your giant roundworm girlfriend she possessed you, you might want to take some serious time off from the relationship before you think about renewing it.

yeah... here's a voice post

[evokeslovers]

[ ... What.

No seriously, what. ]

... Umm... are you serious about this?

[ Please just be joking, please just be joking you didn't seem to be completely bonkers when she last talked to you. ]

SMALL WOMAN FOR PHYSICAL/SUPERNATURAL LABOUR

[ibideficitorbis]

I can lift a car without help. I can negotiate with demons. I can destroy pretty much anything.

Reply to Shura and Coba will do the rest.

CLOTHES AND STUPID CUTE SHIT

[very_elaborate]

Custom orders always accepted. Better with Japanese styles than Western, but give me an idea of what you want and I can probably do it.

Cute shit is mostly knitted or crocheted. I'll also do custom orders for that.

Reply or drop by Tatsumi Textiles, Inaba Shopping District.

[gorilladog]

[ Seeing the add, Noah makes it a point to head out to its location. Hopefully if the man is offering services, maybe he's looking for help too? He walks in a little tentatively, looking around. ]

Uh, hello? I saw your ad, this is Tatsumi Textiles right?

[teethteethteeth]

[That ad intrigues her. She always did like cute stuff, even if "cute shit" does sound a little vulgar. But her child is a growing child! So she goes to check it out.]

Pardon me?

[She's standing just inside, looking around.]

TINY BROKEN HEART SEEKS COMPANIONSHIP FOR HEALING AND MORE

[ibideficitorbis]

Let's meet today at noon at the basketball court. I will be wearing a yellow shirt with LOVE COBA on it in white.

[The ad is anonymous. Do you dare go?]

Re: TINY BROKEN HEART SEEKS COMPANIONSHIP FOR HEALING AND MORE

[on_thin_ice]

[ That's the siren call for a Guardian. He lands up at the meeting place, completely nonchalant. ]

[gorilladog]

[ Despite the strange anonymous ad, Noah can't say no to a challenge on the court, and besides, he could prepare himself if the person in question was dangerous right? ]

i'll b there wearing a green army jacket. See u.

Jack of all Trades for Hire!

[gorilladog]

Hi, I'm Noah. If anyone is looking for someone to help out with any odd jobs, anything requiring physical labor, or anything extra that needs to get done, I just might be your guy. Just tell me what to do, put me to work and I'll do it.

Best way to get a hold of me is through my inbox. Let's work something out and meet sometime.

Thanks and have a good day.

PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER

[keymash]

Contact Peter Parker if you want quality work. Will take any amount offered. Has experience with photoshop and taking high def images of superheroes.

[teethteethteeth]

[She sends a handwritten note to this "Peter Parker", trusting in Coba's delivery systems to get it to its destination.]

Superheroes? I did hear of those here. So you come from a world with them, too? Oh, yes, I could use a family photograph of my daughter and I. I already have a few, but she's grown since then.

[lockwouldnt]

How would you feel about photographing fraternity events? We could use something better than a camera phone.