[ jenna's acceptance of it, even with her sadness, makes elena feel almost weak-kneed with relief. she smiles at first, but the smile dims in light of her question, and elena purses her lips. it's a question she asks herself a lot, lately, and one that she thought she knew the answer to before damon died -- she didn't like it, per se, but she had damon, she could protect the people most important to her... that was all she'd ever wanted.
and then damon died, and it turned out that elena wasn't as okay with being a vampire as she thought she was. it'd become impossible to ignore that so much of what made her okay with it was that she was going to be with damon forever, which was an acceptable substitute for being human together and getting married, having kids, having the life she'd always wanted. without him and without something to fight against, elena was left with all the parts of vampirism that she hated: the bloodlust, the agelessness... she'd never wanted it, and she still didn't. she'd just been able to counter that with the prospect of having damon forever. if she couldn't have that, she didn't want any of it.
she's not sure what she feels about it now that she has damon back. can she go back to being okay with it just because of him, or have her eyes been opened to a truth that can't be erased? she can't tell just yet.
but she knows what jenna would want to hear, so she smiles and nods, looking toward the bathroom, where damon is inside having a low conversation with caroline. it's the most civil they've been around each other... maybe ever. elena is glad for it. ]
I am. I wasn't at first, but Damon really helped me figure everything out. I wouldn't be the vampire I am today without him. [ looking back at jenna, elena's expression goes resolved again, as she remembers the purpose of this conversation. ] And I'm going to teach you how to be one. I had amazing teachers when I was going through everything, and I'll be there for you while you're going through yours. I won't let you hurt anyone, Jenna, I promise.
no subject
and then damon died, and it turned out that elena wasn't as okay with being a vampire as she thought she was. it'd become impossible to ignore that so much of what made her okay with it was that she was going to be with damon forever, which was an acceptable substitute for being human together and getting married, having kids, having the life she'd always wanted. without him and without something to fight against, elena was left with all the parts of vampirism that she hated: the bloodlust, the agelessness... she'd never wanted it, and she still didn't. she'd just been able to counter that with the prospect of having damon forever. if she couldn't have that, she didn't want any of it.
she's not sure what she feels about it now that she has damon back. can she go back to being okay with it just because of him, or have her eyes been opened to a truth that can't be erased? she can't tell just yet.
but she knows what jenna would want to hear, so she smiles and nods, looking toward the bathroom, where damon is inside having a low conversation with caroline. it's the most civil they've been around each other... maybe ever. elena is glad for it. ]
I am. I wasn't at first, but Damon really helped me figure everything out. I wouldn't be the vampire I am today without him. [ looking back at jenna, elena's expression goes resolved again, as she remembers the purpose of this conversation. ] And I'm going to teach you how to be one. I had amazing teachers when I was going through everything, and I'll be there for you while you're going through yours. I won't let you hurt anyone, Jenna, I promise.